Under The Tree – Habs’ Edition

By JD Lagrange – Santa has come once again and he has left presents under the Christmas tree once more! Filled with excitement and anticipation, the little Habs’ players rush to the Bell Centre to see what the Jolly Old Man has left them. An oh how thoughtful Santa was this year, providing each player with something that they really needed!

One by one, the little Habs’ players open their presents, as the rest of the team watch with curiosity.

🎁 Jonathan Drouin: A knight’s body armour to not only protect himself against injuries, but also to be better sheltered against non-sensical fans’ abuse.

πŸŽ„ Juraj Slafkovsky: A much longer stick to keep his head up, and a bullet-proof helmet to help better protect himself from crushing hits during games.

🎁 Nick Suzuki: A case of energy bars as he is relied on a lot by the coaching staff. Cole Caufield has pinched in for that one!

πŸŽ„ Cole Caufield: A Flyers’ jersey just so he can rub it in.

🎁 Kirby Dach: An automated faceoffs-winning stick so there would be no more questions if he’s a center or not.

πŸŽ„ Jake Evans: A 4-leaf clover, a horse-shoe, a rabbit paw and a lucky penny, to turn his luck around.

🎁 Brendan Gallagher: A one-year membership to a spa for massages, hot tub, sauna for his sore body.

πŸŽ„ Mike Hoffman: A neon sign so other teams notice him and want to trade for him.

🎁 Sean Monahan: A HIP-hop CD and a walker for when he retires.

πŸŽ„ Michael Pezzetta: A year’s supply of Pezz candy with a sponsorship from the company.

🎁 Anthony Richard: A new nickname like the “Bullet Rocket”.

πŸŽ„ Joel Armia: A soccer net… so he can finally score a goal.

🎁 Christian Dvorak: Tickets to his favourite stand-up comic, so we could see him crack a smile.

πŸŽ„ Josh Anderson: High quality headphones so he can’t hear the numerous rumours about him.

🎁 Evgenii Dadonov: Much like the Tin Woodman in The Wizard of Oz, a… heart.

πŸŽ„ Joel Edmundson: A massage and electroshock back brace

🎁 Kaiden Guhle: A smaller helmet so he stops shaking his head all the time.

πŸŽ„ Jordan Harris: High heels skates to make him look more imposing on the ice.

🎁 Johnathan Kovacevic: A weight belt to add a few pounds to his body.

πŸŽ„ Arber Xhekaj: A heavyweight boxing belt.

🎁 Mike Matheson: A roll of bubble-wrap to protect him against injuries.

πŸŽ„ David Savard: A set of goalie equipment as it sometimes feels like he stops more pucks than the goalies.

🎁 Chris Wideman: A spiked collar to go with his fiesty attitude, making him look more threatening.

πŸŽ„ Jake Allen and Samuel Montembeault: Fireproof gear as they’re overheating from the number of shots against most games.

🎁 Alex Burrow, Martin St-Louis and Trevor Letowski: A magic lamp containing a Genie to use one of their three wishes for a solution for the power play.

πŸŽ„ Kent Hughes: Two lucky NHL Draft lottery tickets, one from the Canadiens, one from the Panthers.

More Christmas reading…

‘Twas the Night Before Habs’ Christmas 2022

By JD Lagrange – At this time of year, we like getting a little lighter in keeping with the Christmas spirit by offering you a few seasonal humorous articles. Here’s our Habs’ adaptation of Clement Clarke Moore’s classic poem also known as “A Visit From St. Nicholas” or “The Night Before Christmas”, written in 1823. Hope you enjoy…

β€˜Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Bell Centre
Not a creature was stirring, not even a trainer;
The stockings were hung by the stalls with care,
In hopes that the stink soon would not be there;

The players were resting while clearing their head,
While visions of success were starting to spread;
While Kent Hughes is planning, and dealing with the cap,
He would like trading, all of those playing like crap.

When out in the media, there arose such a clatter,
All sprang to the web to see what was the matter.
Coming from nowhere, they flew like a flash,
A bunch of rumours, not to be taken for cash.

While fans are dreaming, so little they know,
Their hopes of tanking, though as lost as Trudeau.
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature Bedard, will soon be just a souvenir.

As this grey haired coach, so good at hockey,
We knew in a moment it must be St-Louis.
Players knew of him, being in the Hall of Fame,
He whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

β€œNow, Kirby! now, Mony! now, Suzi and Devo!
On, Caufield! on, Guhle! on, Gally and you, Jo!
To the top of your game! Let’s move up the standings!
As we do have a plan! Don’t worry about drafting!”

As they keep on developing, we will trust our guys,
When they face obstacle, they will mount to the sky;
So up goes their confidence, their skills as they knew,
With the team full of youth, and coach St-Louis too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.

His eyesβ€”how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

And then as they say, with their roster anew,
Working hard they may, to surprise more than a few;
As we hear the coach exclaim, ere they played out with fight,
β€œGo Habs Go to all, as the future is bright.”

More Christmas reading…